Welp! That about does that...

As of June 28, Two Thousand and Eighteen, my contract in Macau will be complete. The number of days left I have with my students is in the single digits. Shortly thereafter, my apartment will be signed over to my roommate, my possessions will be packed into bags, and I'll get on a plane and leave the dirty, moist cradle of China-not-China. As I would normally say in situations where it's time to move on to the next activity...

Welp!

OMG this has been a totally amazing life changing experience
that I will eternally cherish and I will love and miss everyone forever

This is not how I feel. Not because I'm an asshole who's incapable of sympathy, but because these things don't really sink in until I want to do a think I can no longer do; like go for greasy chinese food, hang out with some pretty solid pals, or scaring the wits out of my students by sneaking up behind them at recess and saying "GOOD MORNING" in my loudest deep adult voice. I'm also doing my best to desperately suppress the many inconvenient feelings as reality sets in. After so much time here, I've come to appreciate China-not-China for the things that are interesting, weird or different. Or maybe I'm a naive idiot who bumbles along and is content with most things. You can decide for yourself. 

Speaking of greasy Chinese food, I'd like to introduce you to a little place I call Five Sign (because there are five Chinese signs on the front that I don't, despite many people telling me the translation, call by it's real name. This place has been an absolute life saver for late night eats. Despite a massive language barrier, I've acquainted myself with a number of the staff, who are at least mildly amused by my semi-ability to order our desired dishes by name instead of saying "That one" and pointing to a picture on a menu. The icing on the cake is the ability to say "Thank you very much" when they drop off a bowl of their special sauce, "Very good eat" with a mouthful of dumplings as they pass our table, or "Sorry, Bad Foreigner" and point to myself when I am on less than my best behaviour (usually after a long, hydrating night of beverages). 

The photo quality is bad but the content is golden

HUN HOW CHE (Very good eat)

Macau's also been great at getting me off my ass, since everything is usually in walking distance. It's good to challenge my tendency of being a video-game playing, nap-taking, don't-leave-the-house-after-working bum. Sometimes the buildings and roads will look like some other place, and if you're drinking a bottle of wine while you walk through the park, the buzz will let pretend that you're in a Mediterranean town rather than hot China (I do not encourage drinking in public. I DO encourage using an active imagination and anything that well help you to exercise it).  

Most buildings don't look like this 

Most buildings look like this

Or that

But one of the best things I think I got out of this whole thing is that I got completely change from a debt-laden student with no experience to an independent adult who can do one or two important things. On one hand, things didn't always go so smoothly....

I spent tens of thousands of dollars on a degree
that I didn't use in any way, shape, or form! 

I got locked in the zoo once. Just once. Hardly my fault.

I crashed a rental car in Scotland. That may have cost me a lot of money. 

I earned the ire of my colleagues by jamming the laminator
by using the wrong plastic sleeves.

And drove my students crazy by just being myself. 

I'll do what I want. 

On the other hand, I tried a few neat things and learned a little more about myself. 

I found the value of having an apartment of my semi-own. 

Some of this money was, in fact, NOT spent on pizza and actually diligently saved

For the two years I lived with her, this girl taught me a thing
or two about fashion, good food and how to be a fussy Portuguese

I discovered how much I love to cook and feed others.

Winner Winner Thanksgiving Dinner

Brunch with Mimosas

Deep dish pizza

Cheese anyone?

And for a light lunch, a leg of lamb 

I got to travel to some places with people and take pictures of things. 

Portugal was a place

None of the cars were rusty and my heart hurt to not take them home

China was a place but it hurt my knees a LOT

Tasted fuggin good tho

Japan was definitely a looker

DEFINITELY Instagram worthy

GET.OUT

OF.THE.SHOT

JESSICA

I learned how to ride a motorcycle with these idiots and others, and didn't die! 

Driving in and parking on the sand to get a picture is dumb. Don't do it. 

Beep beep here I come

And for at least a little while, I got to do what I love doing the most. 

Their faces are  a lil' too small to see but just pretend they're happy

Apparently the only things they remembered
 are games and NOT ANY LEARNING

They do not draw flattering pictures of me. 

Overall, not bad/10

So there it is. Three years in what's technically China (although Macau I think classifies more as Mediterranean luxury China). I'm kind of very very glad that I had the chance to take chances, make mistakes and get messy. It was definitely an amazing experi-

"Oh for fuck's sake, he's going to turn this into one of those bullshit, life-changing self-improvement stories"

WELL for someone like me who has made his fair share of generally bad and stupid decisions, I've got to appreciate the good ones! I'll try to avoid writing something sappy that uses the kind of vocabulary of one of those workplace inspirational posters.

These stupid ones

While it was scary and frustrating, going to China was the motivation kick in the ass I needed to break out of my comfort zone and put myself to work. I'm sure that there's plenty of other people who pursue goals shit things I would think stupid or wrong (like buying a brand new car, or using Frank's Red Hot instead of the superior Dawson's brand of sauces), so I use this as an example. What I can take away from this whole time is this: Try a thing! Whatever works best for you! If it helps you improve feck not be a miserable piece of human garbage, do it!

- If you think a trip or vacation would do you good, go do it!
- If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and need to start moving your body parts in different directs (I.E. going to the gym/for a run/joining a salsa dancing club), then give it a shot!
- If you think that your choice in cars is boring and you want to spice up your life with something as colourful and unpredictable as an episode of game of thrones, go on kijiji and find yourself a more interesting automobile!

(Follow the link for Pro-Tips by someone who isn't really a pro but pretends to be)
http://chiggin.blogspot.com/2018/05/buying-used-car.html

I could very well continue this list and become an arrogant idiot who thinks he's now thoroughly experienced and cultured, but who would put up with me if I did that? 

You mean you don't know the detailed events of the
Warlords period of contemporary Chinese history?

Well, this is only a thing that worked for me. Now that we live in the 21st century, we have a butt-ton of opportunities to do all kinds of things. Small things, spicy things, fast things, loud things, neat things, cozy things, stupid things, difficult things and things that make you want to rip your hair out. I tried this thing because I said "Shit, why not?" (and also because I said "Shit... I can't get a job in Ontario") If there's a thing you want to try, why not go out there and give it a shot!? Even if it isn't perfect instagram material, or if it might make you go a little more bald. Or don't. You're an adult, do what you want. 

And now for a slightly balder me, it's time to come home. This is the end part of this post that I don't really know how to write except to explain the voices inside my head. Currently, half of me is screaming at myself saying 

YOU IDIOT YOU ARE LEAVING A JOB WITH MONEY AND BENEFITS DOING THE THING YOU WANT TO DO HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO EARN MONEY IF YOU DON'T HAVE A GODDAMN JOB LINED UP IN CANADA YOU IMBECILE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE HAPPIER SOMEWHERE ELSE YOU MORON STOP RUNNING AWAY YOU HAVE GOOD FRIENDS HERE AND YOU ARE LEAVING THEM BEHIND FOR NO REASON YOU MISERABLE FUCK WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?

The other half of me is gently repeating reassuring phrases in wavering tones of uncertainty. 

It's alright. You'll be fine. You're going home. That's what you wanted. It'll be good to be home. That's right, home. The Buick is at home. You can get a cat. You can play in jazz bands again. You can see your friends. That's what you want, isn't it? Don't worry about it being a challenge, challenges are good. Challenges help you grow and learn. You'll figure things out. New nice things will come along. Won't that be nice? Everything will be good and fine and swell and dandy and nice.  

Caught between those feelings, I don't know what to do. I can't say if I'm making a mistake, or making a mediocre decision, or maybe I'm just a spoiled idiot. I feel bad for leaving behind such an awesome group of people, but by July 14th, the 3-and-some-years that have been actually really good for me will be over. I'll be on the ground in the mother country and that will be the end of it. So I'm not really sure what to say at this point. I have many mixed feelings, mostly mentioned in this post already, plus more that I'm not really willing to deal with right now. I guess I'll just say thanks. 

Thanks

Okay, yup. That'll do. Bye