Tales of Treachery: Inside a Grade 4 Classroom

Now that I've spent three weeks together with my kids (I will continue to say my kids as I am responsible for them), I have enough ammunition of stories to share with you to get a load of my chest while keeping you entertained.

And with that: I'm going to say right off the bat that... well I suppose this isn't a warning to you as much as it is a rule for myself that you'll get to hear. I like my kids. I like my job. I like my coworkers. I would like them to keep being my kids, job & coworkers. If you (any many friends, not just the teacher-y ones) ever think "Stuart you should calm your body and use your brain before you post something like that", please feel free to use CTRL+C > CTRL+V and send that statement my way. Mind you, in Canada the social tone is QUITE a bit more strict about this sort of thing (whether it is good or bad I leave to you. I have my opinion but I'll leave it to conversations I have with you in person). You're my friends, but I still want to respect everyone at the school. Just sayin' 

First off, Grade Four is a big step up because it's the boundary between lower primary and upper primary. A cynical Sally may think to themselves "What the heck kind of difference does that even make? It's probably some arbitrary thing where the kids get a sticker that says 'I'm growing up and now a part of the global community' and then they give the kids passages from meaningless poems and do a reading on circle of life" Well Brant Cynical Sally, that's not the case at all. There's tons of new things for a kid in upper primary to wrap their heads around:
- Grades (that's right! First year you get you-must-do-well-in-school-or-you-don't-pass evals!)
- Exams & Tests (which go hand-in-hand with grades)
- Studying & Homework (Like these kids do more work than I did in grade 4. Perhaps the homework & practice thing actually helps kids learn things...)
- Lockers (wooden cupboards with keys that lock. Much quieter and more civilized than the scrap metal we seem to use back in Canada. No slamming, no bent doors, etc)
- Desks that don't have a flat bottom (they have to organize their things or the junk just falls out. Very clever move School...)
So it's quite the step up from rinky-dinky grade 3. And with that, it's time to put the brakes on the 'Teacher Talk' (actual job parameter things that can easily degrade to hours of debate over testing, grading, meetings, the annoying wifi logins for the staff, the time the coffee is made in the staff room in the morning, the quality of the rice offered in the school lunch,  etc). Now I'm even over my limit so I absolutely have to stop. 

And this week, there was this. On Tuesday I gave my kids something they've been waiting for since the start of the year. They asked me every day since September 1st, they've asked their friends in the other grade 4 class if there is any word of their arrival, and every morning with envious eyes they see the grade 5s use them with pride and responsibility. I'm talking about lockers. I can honestly say they were happier in the moment I was handing out keys than any other moment I've seen in my teaching career (spanning 3 months). I gave them their lockers, and they repaid me with CHAOS. I'm talking about loosing keys, leaving keys at home/in gym class/in the art room/in their BUTTS FOR ALL I KNOW BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FIND IT AND IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS, waving their key chains around like medieval weapons, taking 15 minutes to put a backpack away because "I want to make everything fit nicely" constantly forgetting things they need for EVERY CLASS SO WHY WOULD YOU PUT IT IN YOUR LOCKER, and the INCESSANT requests to use their newly-gained storage boxes at every turn. 
>"Can I get my pencil case from my locker?"
>"Can I get my library book from my locker?"
>"Can I go and.... open my locker?"
And then comes the tide of complaints that you only from locker newbies
>"Jamber opened my locker because I couldn't lock it in time for my class"
>"Billy was trying to make his key work with mine"
>"Chippy said she would put our group work in her locker because she likes hers better"
>"My tape on my locker key is coming off, can I have more so I can make my own label for it?"
>"Can I go to... the bathroom?" Proceeds to make sure Jamber didn't, in fact, re-open the locker to see if it was different

How EVEN do teachers do it. HOW. I didn't know what I should have done, but then my grade four compadre swooped in and called both classes into her room for a lil meeting on "HOW NOT TO BE A BUTT WHEN USING A LOCKER". She laid out the rules, told them what and what not to do, how to be able to function in life, you know, all the things. She's got her poop in a group, and I am really pleased to have her around to help me continue to have my job (I live in a constant fear of "What have I forgotten/neglected today?"). So I'm pleased with that.

So that's the first installment of "the things that will make my hair fall out faster", and I expect there will PLENTY more on the horizon. I'll leave you with that, because I need some Porch-uh-geeze food and cheap drinks to wash off a week of teaching.