There are very few things in this world that get me as excited as the prospect of purchasing a new old car. Even as I type these paragraphs, I grow restless and eager to scrounge kijiji and other classifieds in search of an impulsive motorized purchase. It is addiction that will likely be the ruin of me, but while I still have a bit of money in my bank account (and while this earth still has a bit of fossil fuel left), I intend to enjoy the bare necessities of life.
For those of you who have had to endure my presence for more than a half hour, I've almost certainly shared with you the proud existence of my car. Not just any car mind you, no no NO. My glorious iron horse, my octogenarian luxo-barge, my salt-rotten land yacht, THE BUICK. This trusty rusty machine has been my personal ride since June of 2016, outlasting my previous 6 cars that I owned during college. Funnily enough, due to my international situation, I've only driven the car a grand total of 10 weeks (subtracting winter hibernation and time spent under repair). So this car has the honor of being my longest lasting AND least used automobile. Neat.
Since I'll soon be returning from China-not-China to the motherland, I've got to decide what to do with the old gal. Having an old car has it's pleasures, but is not without it's pitfalls. In this instance, the underside of my car is rotten to the point that I imagine my driving along the road looks more like a meteor breaking up as it passes through Earth's atmosphere. While I can't know exactly how things are since I parked it back in August of last year, it's time to at least consider other options.
As I've stated many times in prior entries, I am not a smart man. However, there are some areas where I have made so many mistakes that, by sheer quantity of poor decisions, I've learned from them (or at least a few...). One of these areas is buying used cars. I will try my best not to mock those who's buying habits and preferences in cars differ from my own, but I can't make any promises. I know that for most people, dealing with the various tasks of getting a new car is a pain in the ass at best and an ocean of frustration & dread at worst. For many, when it comes time for some new wheels, it feels like choosing the lesser of three evils.
Option 1: Being wasteful and buying a new car for a year of your salary and a pound of flesh, constantly regretting the purchase necessary to earn that salary and pay off that car.
Option 2: Being boring and buying a used, bland car you care nothing for, all for monumentally more money than would easily pay for a much more desirable vacation on a warm beach.
Option 3: Being a dumbass and buying something very old, broken, or very old AND broken shit for cheap, relentlessly dreading the day when your jalopy dies, forcing you to repeat the entire process again.
"But Stuart, isn't there some kind of fourth option that smart people choose?"
Well, yes and no. There is public transit! But if that is an undesirable alternative, there are strategic things you can do to get a better deal to make the aforementioned options not quite so miserable. If you aren't interested in saving money/buying a proper car for a fair price, why are you even reading this? You're welcome to see yourself back to reddit, instagram, or your facebook feed.
Now that we only have the COOL people left, let's continue.
Like I said before, when it comes to finding a car, I love the thrill of the hunt. Unlike most people, I seek out the oldest vehicles that have seen more of the world than I have. My obsession for obsolete automobiles often prevents me from making sensible and pragmatic decisions, even when I can clearly type them into a computer. Luckily for you, you're not me. Here's some handy PRO-TIPS to get started with:
- Do some research: The ideas of 'unique' Japanese reliability, 'superior' German engineering and 'bad quality' American manufacturing are largely anecdotal and now almost fictitious in the 21st century. There are plenty of good choices across the board, regardless of country of origin. Find a type of car that best suits your needs (I.E. a station wagon, something with a manual transmission, good fuel economy, seating for 6+, etc) Even if you are particular, there are oodles of cars on the market, and you'll have several different makes/models to choose from.
- Shop around: The same car, with the same mileage and age can cost more or less depending on the area, seller & other circumstances. Do your browsing from the safety of your own device, so you don't get talked into anything. You'll also get an idea of what your type of car will cost, and you can also try to haggle a percentage off the posted price (this can save me another 10-20%). I use Kijiji (for Canada only), but there are other classified websites depending on your country. Once you've narrowed your search down to just a few choices....
- Get a check-up: Request to have the car inspected professionally. With some prior notice, most mechanics will happily do this for you. The older the vehicle, the more necessary this is. In Ontario, an inspection like this is a legal requirement when putting the vehicle into your name, so it's best to do it before (I usually ask the seller to get this done as a pre-requisite). This leads to my most important point.
- Ask for a service history: Receipts or bills of repairs, maintenance, replacement parts and other components are the documents that tell you how much the previous owner actually gave a shit about keeping the car in ship shape. You're looking for a vehicle that someone treated with the respect and attention that ensures many years of continued loyal service, not like an expendable machine that will become somebody else's problem. Again, the older the car/higher the mileage, the more relevant this tip is.
With those little rules, you should be able to save some money and enjoy several years of dependable and anxiety-free motoring. Now, I won't presume to tell you what to do with your hard-earned money, and I certainly won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your property, but in the spirit of being hypocritical and condescending, TAKE CARE OF YOUR CAR. And when I mean take care of it, I mean TAKE. CARE. OF. IT! You can ask your mechanic what you can do yourself (refilling fluids, changing tires, listening for funny sounds), what expenses might be on the horizon, and what you can do to prolong the life of your vehicle. Allowing a vehicle's health to deteriorate will bite you in the ass in the long run. You don't want to have to purchase, insure, tax, plate, register, certify and pay for other expenses necessary to repeat the whole process prematurely. Trust me.
You may have been confronted with a situation like this before: A repair will cost X amount of money, and you picture that amount of money going towards another, different, marginally newer car.
I'm obviously biased because I am an curmudgeony gearhead, but I do have a bit of logic to back it up. A commonly forgotten factor in car ownership is an academically sounding financial/business term by the name of depreciation. In mathematical terms, that's Purchase Price ÷ Years of ownership, and the newer the car, the bigger the cost. That's how much value something loses while you own it, and it's the same reason why you can buy a slightly used/one year old phone, TV or laptop for a fraction of the price of a new model. For those who can afford them, new cars offer better technology (like bluetooth radio or satellite navigation) or status (which my Buick affords me plenty of anyways) and the peace of mind of a warranty, but older cars really aren't much different. In fact, they tend to be a much better value because they are so often overlooked.
THIS IS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING
Okay, then here's my moral-of-the-story buying advice. Whether you're on a tighter budget or if you're a fancy-pants individual with a full salary, fancy haircut, and clothes with buttons and no food stains, you can take this knowledge with you on the hunt.
Option 1 - If you've got the previously mentioned fancy haircut and want a newer car, get something fresh off a lease, or two/three years old. It'll cost you 50% of its brand-spankin-new counterpart, and since models are updated only every 8 years or so, you won't feel like you're driving something from the previous generation. Price will vary based on your taste/need for speed.
Option 2 - If you don't care that much for cars want a regular car, get something 7-8 years old with a clean bill of health and a good reputation (do your research for recalls and frequent problems) for $10,000. No more, but maybe less. I can't promise that you won't have a mental breakdown in traffic, but at least you'll save enough money for that future beach holiday.
Option 3 - If you want the best bang for your buck. Get anything that's well taken care of (look/ask for a service history, no rust, drives well), regardless of age, with a good reputation, with as much as or fewer than 200,000 kms, for a maximum $5,000. With some hunting, you can do very well. I personally would not recommend buying a vehicle that is especially old (over 25 years) or with a lot of mileage (over 300,000 kms), unless you are mechanically inclined to tackle the issues that come with thoroughly used cars.
So there ya go! Go on Kijiji. Take a look around. Ask questions. Find what's right for you, and SAVE YOUR MONEY. Once you find the perfect steel chariot, you can make it yours with a wide variety of classy decorations. Put on your dumb Winnie-the-Pooh steering wheel covers, overpowering air fresheners, headlight eye-lashes, fake stickers, body kits, terrible paint jobs, and other high-quality accessories that make your automobile YOUR automobile.
Or do what you want. You're an adult. Happy hunting.
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| I wonder how many Buick photos I can get away with posting... |
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| One metric ton of junk can fit in THIS trunk |
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| CONSIDER! It's not cheating if you haven't done it yet! |
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| I am here to help |
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| If I just die now, I won't have to drive this thing anymore. |
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| I. HATE. EVERYTHING. ABOUT. YOU. |
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| I can't keep doing this... I can't keep doing this... |
Well, yes and no. There is public transit! But if that is an undesirable alternative, there are strategic things you can do to get a better deal to make the aforementioned options not quite so miserable. If you aren't interested in saving money/buying a proper car for a fair price, why are you even reading this? You're welcome to see yourself back to reddit, instagram, or your facebook feed.
Now that we only have the COOL people left, let's continue.
Like I said before, when it comes to finding a car, I love the thrill of the hunt. Unlike most people, I seek out the oldest vehicles that have seen more of the world than I have. My obsession for obsolete automobiles often prevents me from making sensible and pragmatic decisions, even when I can clearly type them into a computer. Luckily for you, you're not me. Here's some handy PRO-TIPS to get started with:
- Do some research: The ideas of 'unique' Japanese reliability, 'superior' German engineering and 'bad quality' American manufacturing are largely anecdotal and now almost fictitious in the 21st century. There are plenty of good choices across the board, regardless of country of origin. Find a type of car that best suits your needs (I.E. a station wagon, something with a manual transmission, good fuel economy, seating for 6+, etc) Even if you are particular, there are oodles of cars on the market, and you'll have several different makes/models to choose from.
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| Like a car with decadent powered leather seats with butt-heaters and lumbar support? |
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| Out of 10 or so Park Avenues in Ontario, this one was a mere 800 Canadian loonies. WHAT A STEAL |
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| A smarter person would have seen this rust and said NOPE |
With those little rules, you should be able to save some money and enjoy several years of dependable and anxiety-free motoring. Now, I won't presume to tell you what to do with your hard-earned money, and I certainly won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your property, but in the spirit of being hypocritical and condescending, TAKE CARE OF YOUR CAR. And when I mean take care of it, I mean TAKE. CARE. OF. IT! You can ask your mechanic what you can do yourself (refilling fluids, changing tires, listening for funny sounds), what expenses might be on the horizon, and what you can do to prolong the life of your vehicle. Allowing a vehicle's health to deteriorate will bite you in the ass in the long run. You don't want to have to purchase, insure, tax, plate, register, certify and pay for other expenses necessary to repeat the whole process prematurely. Trust me.
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| Washing isn't technically taking care of a car, but it makes me feel better |
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| Ready for all that lies ahead! |
DO. NOT. DO. IT.
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| Do this instead! Only EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS! That's less than a Chesterfield! |
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| Ice cold A/C, cruise control, surround sound, and a bluetooth stereo that I installed. That's right, this vehicle is quite the modern machine after all. |
THIS IS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING
Okay, then here's my moral-of-the-story buying advice. Whether you're on a tighter budget or if you're a fancy-pants individual with a full salary, fancy haircut, and clothes with buttons and no food stains, you can take this knowledge with you on the hunt.
Option 1 - If you've got the previously mentioned fancy haircut and want a newer car, get something fresh off a lease, or two/three years old. It'll cost you 50% of its brand-spankin-new counterpart, and since models are updated only every 8 years or so, you won't feel like you're driving something from the previous generation. Price will vary based on your taste/need for speed.
Option 2 - If you don't care that much for cars want a regular car, get something 7-8 years old with a clean bill of health and a good reputation (do your research for recalls and frequent problems) for $10,000. No more, but maybe less. I can't promise that you won't have a mental breakdown in traffic, but at least you'll save enough money for that future beach holiday.
Option 3 - If you want the best bang for your buck. Get anything that's well taken care of (look/ask for a service history, no rust, drives well), regardless of age, with a good reputation, with as much as or fewer than 200,000 kms, for a maximum $5,000. With some hunting, you can do very well. I personally would not recommend buying a vehicle that is especially old (over 25 years) or with a lot of mileage (over 300,000 kms), unless you are mechanically inclined to tackle the issues that come with thoroughly used cars.
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| Check out that mileage folks! |
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| Go ahead! It's your car! |
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| One of a kind! |
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| Don't listen to whoever made this, I'm sure you can tastefully customize your own vehicle! |
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