Ho Chi Minh is super neat. Well I suppose that's because it's the first place outside of the polluted nest of China-not-China that I've seen. But really, it's super neat; A mix of West & East, old & new, socialist vs capitalist, etc. It's the last city that the army took over during the war. Then the war ended and that was that and everyone said WELP and called it a day. That's basically what wikipedia said (I knew that from before, but from reading wikipedia). They've also got a really comprehensive war museum that comes from a fairly-anti-western standpoint that is simultaniously justified (to an extent), more against the American government than the American people.
Food's great here. Street food is life. Sitting on a little plastic chair with a beer and some tasty lil fried stuff that's as fresh as can possibly be. Did you know they make coffee here? I didn't know that. Did you know there is a liquid version of temporary eternal life called Matcha? It sounds like MANGIA but it has more kick and literally has more kick, because it's concentrated green tea extract stuff that they mix with milk and serve it either hot or cold. Kale and coffee had a cute lil babby and it tastes delicious. I had one. I had several. I HIGHLY recommend it. I should start my own business and import it to Canada and become that guy who does that stuff. Also if you steal my idea I'll come after you. Neat things even happened when I decided to brave the nightlife and converse with strangers. My version of participating in said nightlife was to sit on a street-side patio and multiple beers, chatting with the various people who cycled through the tables next to me. I ran into a couple of charming ladies who happened to work at one of the schools that offered me a job during the same recruiting fair that I found my current job at (as a kindergarten teacher in Taiwan, could you imagine? I actually considered their offer for a good moment). Gotta say I was a fan of that. Hopefully they give this a read and have a chuckle (or even better, a pang to come to Macau).
"Wait wut"
I said I RENTED A SCOOTER. Not a motorcycle(I know myself well enough that I don't need to complicate life with things like a clutch handle and a gear-changer-pedal). The series of events was less of a series of events and more of a moment I was walking and saw a place with 'MOTORCYCLE RENTAL' posted out front. Immediately, like the logical person you know me to me, I weighed the pros and cons of such an opportunity:
Pros
-----
> "Holy shit I want it"
> "I can go so fast and honk the horn at the same time"
> "They probably won't even ask for my license"
> "I can make motorcycle noises and pretend it's the real thing"
> "It's literally $14 USD for the whole day"> "I'm an adult I can do what I want"
Cons
-----
> "I have no insurance of any kind"
> "The traffic is nuts and I've never been here before"
> "I have no idea what I'm doing"
A logical person would look at the situation, and obviously see that there are more pros than cons. Something that is more than another thing will weigh more than that other thing, so therefore the pros outweigh the cons by force of numbers and I AM and adult and I will INDEED do what I want.I walked the scooter to the curb and, knowing the staff were watching to see if this silly tourist knew what he was doing, did the unthinkable. I twisted the handlebar, put my feet on the feet-spots, and just WENT.
My initial thought was "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HOLY SHIT NOPE" but decided to ignore these thoughts and continue to pretend to know what to do. So I went faster. After about 20 minutes of practice, I learned that I had mirrors, a turn signal and a horn I could use to help me navigate. Then I went faster and honked more. For those of you who have seen the Top Gear Vietnam special, driving in Vietnam (especially a city like Saigon), is both completely chaotic and relatively straightforward. It is in no way like the conventional driving that you & I are used to, but at the same time is pretty manageable. You literally just GO and you watch out. But you have to go (but you have to watch out). You've got to be both assertive yourself, and observant to what's going on in front of you (not behind you and only sometimes besides you). Want to cross over 5 lanes of traffic? Go and watch out. Want to turn left with no light? Just GO but WATCH OUT. Want to go all around the city because you can? GO but WATCH OUT BECAUSE IT'S GETTING LATE AND WHERE DID ALL THIS TRAFFIC COME FROM WATCH OUT!
I drove around the city for 5 hours. FIVE HOURS. 300 MINUTES. I actually had to take lunch breaks because my wrist and palm were getting sore from the handlebars. It was stupidly liberating how fun it was. I just... I can't... I mean that I loved it so much that if I tried to speak to you I couldn't because the feels are so big and strong they'll get caught in my heart and not be able to make it out. I visited a few places that the Top Gear presenters went to during that special. I found some neat buildings, some more museums, some bustling markets, and then roundabouts to go round and round because you just can (the most inside lines are usually empty, so you can go FAST).
---- Disclaimer ----
You cannot actually go fast. Don't go fast. Fast on a scooter in Saigon is not actually fast.
20 km/h is your standard cruising speed
30 km/h is a wide-eyed hurry
40 hm/h is a few minutes past NOPE o'clock.
I may or may not have reached a blistering speed of 80 km/h on a wide parkway farther from the city center. I would recommend it to those who would like to be reminded that life is a precious thing.
TL;DR
I went. I went but I watched out. Then I went fast but I still watched out. I watched out extra hard at night but I still went.
My gearheaded-ness still lives, and while I will not own any antiquated and dilapidated automobiles in the near future, I do plan to return to this fantastic and only slightly-daunting place on a proper bike and go (but watch out) from one end of the country to the other. Maybe you'd like to join me?
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