India

This smelled pretty darn good

This past February marked the beginning of a new year in the Chinese zodiac, so Kung Hei Fat Choi and happy year of the dog! Chinese New Year also brings the added bonus of some time off for me. After procrastinating on booking the flight (which cost a pretty penny considering everyone and their mother is travelling in this part of the world), and procrastinating even longer to submit my visa application (which only arrived on the morning of my departure), I took ten days to explore a country I've had a desire to see for a long time. 

That's what India looks like. There
you go. 

On the recommendation of a colleague, and spurred on by the popular Top Gear special (Season 17 Episode 7), I took a trip to the bustling metropolis of Hyderabad and the warm beaches of Goa, both of which are found in the South-ish part of India. The country is a place that smells different (scents which can change every several meters), looks different (devout instagrammers would have a field day with the patterns and colours) and tastes different than the more well known Asian tourist destinations (China, Japan, Thailand, Vietnam, etc). For me, the main attraction was hunting down as many different dishes as my appetite would allow me. If I have to explain how Indian food is superior to all others, then please follow the link below...

http://bfy.tw/GgaG

Hey look, I did see a thing though!
A whole thing! 

Before I get started properly, India is not a country of which I am very knowledgeable. I don't know much about its history, I didn't put in much effort to explore its culture, nor did I read about or research much before my trip. As such, I am not a very good tourist, and most of my travelling nowadays will be spent eating, napping, reading and infrequently socializing because I'm a lazy bum. I may not offer the most useful observations or tips. You're welcome to find another person who writes a more culturally appropriate, politically correct, or otherwise 'hip' travel diary.

For those of you who are still with me. This is what I've got.

Beaches in Goa. Strategically excluded
from the picture was the food on my shirt 

India is a big country. Lots of people, lots of languages, lots of foods, lots of religions,
India is so stupendously big and diverse that it's difficult to paint a single portrait of the country without leaving major parts out. India is in many ways still a very raw country, and while my trip won't portray things that way, the bigger cities of Delhi, Mumbai (Bombay), Kolkata (Calcutta) or provinces of Kerala, Rajastan, or Punjab may give you a better picture of what's going on in this neck of the woods. 

This hostel was in the neighbourhood
of $11/night. I paid a bit more for a
room with A/C. 

For me, I chose a tiny province of India that is more well known for its beaches and Portuguese influence, Goa. Most of my time was spent hanging out in hostels, reading books in shady spots, and letting my appetite dictate what I do next.  Between reading sessions, I hit the road to visit nearby towns, and just to enjoy the experience of riding a bike without the silly rules like having proper 'licenses' and such. More on that later. 

Hoda & I. She showed me around
Hyderabad. Note the touristy
sunburn and floral shirt. 

The visit to Hyderabad showed me what urban India is really like. Dirty, bustling, constantly exuding both noise and movement all times of day and night. Millions of people of dozens of cultures into jammed communities between crowded streets of vehicles, street stalls, families, workers, livestock and the occasional large hole in the ground. 

Hoda and I had a plate of chicken
that was too big and too tasty

It's also a place where people will speak to you with a genuine tone, asking where you are travelling from and what you've seen. Hyderabad-er-ians (?) had asked to take pictures with me on occasion, later learning that foreigners are very much an anomaly, despite the city's size. 

Through the welcoming chaos, I was guided by my friend and former boss, visiting the historic Muslim city center, the former Nizam's palace, and a particularly interesting city park & marketplace. Aside from the sightseeing, we had a comforting chat about being conscious of one's sense of community and home. It put a lot more confidence and clarity into my final decision to return to Ontario after three very satisfying years in Macau. 

This ISN'T Shantaram, but another
neat book about going places and stuff

Like I said before, I didn't really take myself to the more internationally-known places. No Taj Mahals, or long, crowded train journeys. I did all these things vicariously through one of the novels I was reading at the time. Shantaram is a fantastic adventure novel that also happens to be true. The most adventurous thing I DID do was to eat with my hands, like you're supposed to do with Indian food. They say each finger represents one of the elements, and brings about a connection between mind and body as you eat. The most frequent connections I made was between my meals and my clothing, in my haste to devour everything and anything that I had read about beforehand. Something else I had researched prior to my trip was India's love affair with a particular motorcycle that I had the privilege of renting. 
 

My iron horse for the week

Comfortable, crimson and clumsy.
Like me on vacation with a sunburn. 

The Enfield bike is the darling of India. It's a British design that continues to be manufactured in India to this day (which is remarkable given how far automotive technology has progressed). Perhaps you are intrigued by motorcycles as I am, or perhaps you are wagering which type I will be riding when I'm found in nine pieces under a tanker truck. Either way, here's my take on 2.5 years of bike trips in Asia. 

Chinese New Year 2016. First time
on a real bike. 

A Vietnamese re-manufacturing of a
rugged Honda design.

Like old cars, motorcycles have thrilled me with their charms. If I'm travelling during a school break, I'll likely pick a destination where I can get my hands on some wheels and go exploring on my own. Even better is the opportunity to share the experience with friends and encourage them to give riding a try. I'm entirely self-taught, starting on simple scooters, and slowly working myself towards riding a proper bike with a clutch and manual transmission. 

Taiwanese bike. 150cc is barely enough
for winding country roads. 

I've ridden small engined Suzukis, aged Vietnamese Hondas, and a charming but gutless Taiwanese brand called a 'Sym'. The Enfield handles more like a Buick than a bicycle: wide, heavy, loud and slow to respond to the driver's various orders. On one hand, this makes for some creative handling in rush hour traffic and crowded side streets, not to mention a considerable amount of embarrassing effort to reverse the bike when backing out of parking spots and attempting 3 point turns. 

I actually own this bike in Canada.
Only I don't have the paperwork, or a
licence, and it hasn't run in 12 years

On the other hand, it produces a comfortable and endearing ride on open roads, much like a rusty-yet-handsome mid-90's Park Avenue might. Between the different types of vehicles, the roads turn into a sea of slow moving exhaust, honking and rumbling of engines, packed with goats, cattle, car parts, potholes, lanes that suddenly end, and vehicles travelling in the wrong direction, driving in India can be quite the eye-opening experience. In fact, I thought the experience of learning how to ride a clumsy bike in an extra-chaotic place warranted a little comparison to how things are done back home. 

State of the art public transportation

On Indian roads, you will have to navigate around an array of vehicles that range between ancient, erratic and animal-powered. One of my favourite sights were the antiquated city buses that would look more at home in a Mad Max movie than in public service. These are machines with re-re-repaired and re-re-painted body panels, belching out black soot when pulling away from each stop. 

This means honk if you want to pass

A taxi driver explained to me the culture of truck drivers to decorate their vehicles. Since drivers spend most of their days on the road, they conspicuously paint and affix things to their trucks to make them feel more at home, and also because it's awesome. At home, we just have boring regular trucks with no tassels or flags or fun bits. BORING. 

I. Want. This.

In the West, we have a very organized and regulated system of operating motor vehicles. We stay in between the painted lines, use our blinkers to tell others our intent, and maintain a constant speed within the stated legal limit. We even go so far as to ridicule and shame our friends and family who are unfortunate enough to be caught committing any discrepancies (google tells me indiscrepancy isn't a word so don't even think about ridiculing me either). Driving, once the basics are learned and peripheral vision is utilized, is more akin to watching pain dry than the interactive operation of a big metal toy.  

Relaxed rural riding

You may claim that that is simply  'defensive', 'cautious', or even so far as 'safe'. However, it is not necessarily 'good'. I believe that our Western style of driving is lazy. Not in a bad way, mind you. No no no no! Of COURSE not in a bad way! Just in a domesticated, mindless, privileged and inefficient way. You understand, of course. 

No? Well, while we may not realize it, we have an extremely entitled attitude when behind the wheels of our five-figure, air conditioned chariots. I will give you a few examples using this handy chart: (You could even go so far as to call this a graphic organizer. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is what an education degree will get you. Yessim)

	India	Canada
Improper blinker use	Who uses a blinker? What's a blinker even for? I'm watching out for livestock and truck parts, not blinkers.	Other drivers will be shocked to see that you're not an octogenarian, just an idiot who hasn't refilled his car with blinker fluid.
Honking	Constantly necessary for every pass, merge, turn or 'DON'T HIT ME PLEASE' situation. Definitely the most useful tool of your vehicle	Only acceptable in the most extreme of situations, such as infringements on your personal space.  Maximum duration allowed: 1.4 full seconds
Driving into other lanes of traffic	People are going to use whatever damn lane they can to fit themselves through, even if it's not a lane. Yield to the larger vehicles and watch out!	Considered 'Illegal'. Apparently, you're supposed to remember what country you're in BEFORE you set off.
Infringing on another vehicle's personal space	Traffic represents the randomness of the universe, drive according to the ever-changing conditions.	Drivers and passengers alike will even take their eyes off the road to incredulously  stare into and scream at the offender's face, thereby putting themselves in harms way.
Driving between moving or stationary vehicles	Called 'Lane Splitting', considered a necessary behaviour in a country with 1.3 billion people.	Called 'Being a F*&king Maniac', considered to be harmful to a driver's sense of personal space and delicate feelings.
Gently coming in contact with another vehicle with your bumper	The most effective way of both asserting yourself and maintaining some degree of personal space. Wave! Say hello! This happens several times a day. After all, what are bumpers for?	UNFORGIVABLE

There you have it. I encourage you to try your hand at driving in a new setting, so you too can have an enlightened opinion on the operation of motor vehicles.

Please ignore the fact that wikipedia quotes India as 'generally considered to be one of the most dangerous countries in the world in which to drive', as well as the other scathing and completely factual sources of information.