Thanks Macau

I'm currently stalling for time to think of a new name for this blog, as I've already arrived back in Canada and finished my overseas teaching stint (for now). As a result, this is the last time I'll be able to write about events in Macau.

The other night, I had a final night out with my Macau friends after our staff dinner to celebrate the end of the year. As the night wore on, people slowly filtered away until it was time to go home and I was left alone with my feelings. This was precisely something I've been trying to avoid for most of my adult life, never mind at the beginning of multiple semi-permanent goodbyes and a trans-continental change of scene. Inside me, roughly between my heart and throat, was a heavy and slowly growing hole of feelings that I could only dampen with the menial tasks left to do before it was time for me to go. Instead of facing my emotions head-on, or drowning them in whiskey, I'm going to attempt to channel them through this semi-creative vessel in hopes that some nice memories will come from them. 

At the time of writing this introduction, the school and neighbourhood was in full view from my apartment. The setting where I was able to cut my teeth, work with a few particularly swell people and a lot of benevolently rowdy munchkins now sat idle end empty, with the exception of a few custodians and office staff. It gave me feelings that made me think that all good time are hereby over and that sad times will now begin for an indiscriminate amount of time. 

Not a bad view though

If you're thinking 

"I'm not going to sit here and read through another sea of emotions with little to no memes, jokes, or embarrassing stories."

Well SORRY. Change is tricky, okay!? I'm a useless poop with little direction or motivation other than to feel the feels of change. So that's what I've got. 

By staying behind in town for two weeks, I put myself in the middle of a limbo-type situation where I've fulfilled my purpose in Macau and still haven't gone home. Almost all of my colleagues were smart enough to avoid this situation by happily leaving the "country" as soon as they could.

I'm sure the rush to the border gate looked a lot like this

When I came to Macau, I was an inexperienced graduate who knew almost no one and nothing. Now, with the purpose, routine and community all but gone, this city/country quickly turned back into the unfamiliar and isolated place I knew when I landed in May three years ago. At least I was sure that I wanted to be home, right?  All I know is that now, seemingly normal things were becoming more and more difficult to cope with.

I disabled my regular morning alarm, reminding me I will likely not have a homeroom class of my own for many months, maybe years. 

Bye kiddos... and money......

Doing my laundry entails going through my pockets for non-washables. I found a card a student gave to me on the last day that was really nice, even though the spelling errors made me question the quality of education they were thanking me for, but it's the thought that counts. 

I organized my closet and packed away some of my things to take home. The majority of my collection of patterned shirts, suspenders and eclectic ties were donated, since I'm not going to work anymore. 

All part of my signature Value Village collection

Even Macau itself quiets down during the summer. With the school year over, I'm left to largely entertain myself during the days before my flight home. I'm not good at that. 

It's a lot harder to eat this quantity of Chinese food on your own...

Maybe you're reading this and thinking I'm weak, and that real men bury their feelings deep inside and neglect them in the hopes that they will erode and disappear before their spirit does the same. With some time, I'll definitely feel much worse this fall when I would normally be kicking off a new year with a new group of kids. That's a bona-fied Stuart Feenstra A+ guarantee; Forecasting large amounts of uselessness, long periods of sustained silence mixed with vacant facial expressions, and internal temperatures fluctuating from lukewarm denial to dark, cold disparity.  

Feelings

Hopefully I'll let this teach me something about myself rather than just marinate in my cold soup of emotions. One upside may be that it will give me something to write enthusiastically about... I guess...

Maybe another post about the Buick?

While I'm coming home to all the things I've missed so much, I feel a little rotten for leaving some good people behind. Now I may fit the millennial stereotype in that I'm a self-centered fool who's more preoccupied with narcissisticcaly sharing his miseries instead of fixing his problems and attempting be content, but I'm going to try and change the direction of this post from self-pity to one of appreciation. I finished my last post with an indiscriminate thank you, but I'd like to be a bit more specific in what I'm thankful of. On a side note, I also realized that I don't often take photos of others (except when I do), so I had to dip into facebook to find enough pictures with human life in them. 

Thanks to my colleagues for being somewhere between tolerable and a blast to work with. 

If you look closely, I am somewhere in this picture

Thanks to my guests for coming for good eats that have contributed their fair share to my dad bod. 

Thanks to the small army of Filipinos who work to keep Macau running for us fussy white (and other) people, especially since they're often the helpers who take over the hordes of kids when school's out. That alone demands a butt-ton of respect. 

This is our doorman, Red. Great guy. 10/10 would have him tell me to keep it down at 1 A.M. again.

Thanks to some pretty cool roomies who put up with the bizarre things I do at home. 

Thanks to the person who saw something in me to offer me this job in the first place. My bank account also says thanks, as do the people at the Ontario Student Assistant Program for a repayment they were certainly not expecting so soon. 

Apparently a big beard keeps me from opening my eyes properly

Thanks to three years of awesome kids that made an exhausting day's work more like a camp-like 100 decibel educational performance with props, pranks and games. 

Don't you worry, I used my unparalleled MS paint skills to protect their identities. 

Thanks to the fussy Portuguese who still haven't given up the ghost of their colony have opened my eyes to the art of 3+ hour dinners of awesome food, wine, and colourful language. 

And a general thank you to the good people who have chosen to take some time to spend with me, instead of the array of wiser options to choose from. 

Thanks to all of you, who tuned in from time to time to listen to my semi-coherent feelings and complaints I thought this place I called home as well as other destinations I ended up during this three-year stint. Being able to write my thoughts down has been a generally good thing for me, and knowing that it's been at least mildly interesting for some of you has made it worthwhile. 

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Since you're anonymous, not non-existent. Jeeze don't take it personally...

WELP. Thanks again. That's all I can say for now, other than I'll see you when I next see you.